This is directed at all of Hollywood’s agents, PR reps, paparazzi, starlets, aspiring actors, actresses, executives, etc. This includes the make-up people, the hair people, the stylists and all the parts integral in the making of a “star”.
I buy your movie tickets, I rent your videos, I buy your magazines, I follow your lives. I, and others like me, pay your salary so essentially, I (little ol’ me) am your boss.
As your boss I am finding it necessary to lay down some new guidelines in the business of Hollywood. I expect you to adhere to these policies, effective immediately.
- Dysfunction shall no longer be a norm
- Destructive behavior is not a photo op – Paparazzi shall avoid drama queens, addicts, and people with no valid talent
- Orange is NOT a skin color – Knock it off
- Women and Men shall be of average size – Clavicles, ribs and pelvic bones shall remain under a healthy layer of fat
- Silicone shall be used only in spatulas and kitchen accessories
- Plastic surgery shall be avoided at all costs unless medically necessary ie. a dog ripped your face off and you need a transplant
- Fidelity shall be lauded
- Honor shall be applauded
- Talent will be measured by quality of said acting, writing, dancing, vocal and/or instrumental ability and not by the quantity of electronic and/or lighting aids
- Successful Hollywood shall be expected to give back in some manner for the benefit of mankind
- Journalists, paparazzi, and bloggers shall refrain from calling ANY clavicle/rib/pelvic showing actor or actress “fat”. Fines will be commensurate with the damage caused to the actor/actresses self-esteem/box office draw
- As with all “games” the participants are expected to wish their opponent well and congratulate them
- Name calling is not allowed
That’s about it for now. Let’s gather together for a new era of Hollywood and bring this amazing possibility and positivity into the future.
Your paycheck depends upon it.