by  • June 20, 2010 • Confusion, Fear, Self-Esteem • 3 Comments

    What am I? Who have I become? I’ve dedicated myself to never becoming the victim of my situations, past and present. I look in the mirror and I don’t even know what I see. I’m confused with myself. I am deathly scared of failing. Everyone tells me how awesome I am, how good hearted and natured I am. They remind me that I’m smart and I’m going to make it places and accomplish everything in life. Everyone has to remind me that I have a great personality. They say I’m the definition of what a great person is.

    I am the biggest liar in the world. I feel like I’m fooling all of these people. They are coworkers, close friends, acquaintances, teachers….everyone. I feel like a fake.

    I dont feel like any of that. I feel like the biggest piece of shit ever.

    These people see a calm good natured person. Smart beyond their years. Brave and strong. Optimistic and supportive. They see someone that devotes every minute of their time to everyone else, and is beyond selfless

    I’m deathly scared of everything. I have terrible anxiety. When I think about tomorrow and the events ahead its comparable to being in a huge ocean with waves while having no knowledge of how to swim. I’m so self conscious and nervous about myself. There is no self confidence

    I won’t leave this place. I will have no success in my careers and endeavors. My dreams will never be achieved or realized. I will never have one to call mine and be by my side.

    I am a liar, but one thing I don’t do, is lie

    3 Responses to TRUTH

    1. Same Boat
      June 20, 2010 at 11:43 pm

      Wow I didn’t know that mind reading was real. You seriously pinned down exactly how I feel. I felt like I was the only one who feels like this. People tell me how great I am, but I half heartedly take the compliments and disregard them after analyzing them and proving them to be incorrect. I am working on believing I am great. You should too! We all have great inside of us.

    2. Shayna
      December 26, 2010 at 1:30 pm

      I totally know how you feel. It’s like I’ve written this myself 😐

    3. March 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

      You’re not alone. I feel like we are the same person. So calm and beautiful on the outside but so confused and anxious on the inside. I try to tell myself im better than to think that way or that i am worth something to someone. I want to feel important though and im afraid no one will ever want me because i wont be good enough for them.

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