• to an ex, written over time.

    by  • May 24, 2010 • Breaking Up, Lost Love, The Ex • 0 Comments

    11-28-09
    I’ve never felt for anyone like I have with you. Honestly I’ve had a crush on you since the first time we talked on the internet. Silly, I know. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was when I was told that you liked me. During summer when I would wake up to texts from you and fall asleep to texts from you was pretty great too. I like you so much it’s terrible. I’m sorry for always canceling our plans we would make over the summer, I wish I did hang out with you more over that summer. I honestly wish I had the guts to talk to you during my freshmen year, everyday after math i’d see you and I wish I could talk, but I couldn’t. You’ve made me realize how shy of a person I can be and how nervous I can be. I never thought someone could have that effect on me like you have. When we finally did hang out and I talked to you in person for the first time, I knew I really had strong feelings for you. When we stopped talking over summer, I hated it. You didn’t talk to me and I felt that you lost interest in me and was upset with me for canceling once again, But I was ill that day. Those last few weeks of summer I thought about you nonstop and toward the end it stopped being nonstop, but I still thought about you. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about you. I just wonder and think about you and how you’re doing and what you’re up to, If you’re thinking about me. Anyways at the beginning of this school year, I thought I didn’t like you anymore, but I was wrong. I saw you and all my feelings for you came back. I’m glad that you still liked me too. That day I went up to you in key club and said , “hi” and you didn’t seem to care and just left. Well I felt really bad that day until you texted me saying how nice it was to see me. You have some power that can make me extremely sad or extremely happy. I don’t know why. When I asked you in the coffee shop if you still liked me, and you said yes. It was one of the best feelings I’ve felt. I find it odd that you like me because I never feel like you really like me. I don’t know if that’s just that way you are, but I only feel you like me sometimes. It hurts. The night I asked you to go out with me took so much courage out of me. I was literally sitting there in your car saying to myself to ask you out and it wouldn’t come out. I would tell myself  “okay! at this light, do it” and when you said you would like that and yes. I was so happy, but I felt you were not. That’s why I would have to make sure, we were dating because I really felt like I wasn’t dating anyone. I know you’re a busy person and maybe that’s why you’re like this. I constantly have to ask myself everyday If you really do like me and I wish I could stop thinking like this. Just accept. The night we kissed was nothing I’ve never felt for someone, I remember a tingle feeling in my lips, that I never experienced. I loved it when I asked you if you shaved and ran my fingers across your stubble as you ran yours across mine. When we sat on that rock holding hands and i kissed you on the cheek. I reminisce about this night a lot and again I wonder if you do too. Or if you even feel the same way I did about it and how special that night was to me. The next night was JA. I so badly wanted to hang out with you, but I didn’t want to take you away from your friends. I did get upset that all I said to you was “hi” that night and saw you twice. The day you broke up with me, I knew it was coming. When you didn’t reply to that text asking me to come down. I knew. I wasn’t upset over you breaking up with me because you said it was because you were “just busy” and that you “still really liked me” but what did hurt me, was that night. When I asked you If you really did still like me or if it was just because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings And you never replied. That one hurt. Anyways a week or two later you texted me like everything is normal with a simple “hey” and of course I reply. So maybe you do still like me. I don’t know. It comes down to this. Hopefully when you’re not so busy, You’ll come back to me and don’t think I’ll lose interest in you, I haven’t for the past year, even though I thought i did at one point. I want a relationship with you So bad. Terribly. I wish I could speed time to when you’re not busy. Even though I want this relationship so bad, I’m skeptical about it. I contemplate if it will be the same like it was and I’m also afraid that you will hurt me, really bad. And I don’t want to feel how I’m feeling but have it be worse. I know you will give me many happy moments and we can have a happy and wonderful relationship. Just please don’t lose interest in me or just tell me that you don’t like me so I can stop keeping this hope.

    1-13-10
    Lately you’ve been pissing me off by how much of a asshole you are. It hurts when we pass each other in the hall and you won’t even look at me. You kind of make me sick. I really thinking about not keeping any hope towards you because if this is the way you’re treating me now, just think how you’ll hurt me even more. You’re a prick and when you’re bored and decide to talk to me(if you ever do.) I will not forget all the crap that you’ve put me through and I think the reason I now think of you is because I want to tell you how much of a giant prick you are. I honestly think right now, that I want nothing to do with you ever again. This is the meanest thing anyone has ever done to me and one day you’ll realize that I was there and that I waited for you and actually felt something for you. I’m not going to be there when you realize this either, You’re putting me through too much sadness. I can’t take it anymore. Maybe one day you’ll see how I felt for you and then have that person just stab you into your heart. I wish you the best in life, Good luck.

    3-18-10
    You send more mixed messages than a woman going through PMS. No joke.

    5-24-10
    You really hurt me Mac, You don’t realize it either, but my wounds are healed and now I can finally say, ” I’m over whatever we had and it is definitely time to move on”  I don’t hate you, but I somewhat dislike you and it’s mostly because of your cowardliness. Dude, you gotta learn how to stop being so awkward and also, I never forced you to hang out with me and it’s really rude to make it obvious that you’re embarrassed to be with them in public. I don’t see us being friends, ever. Honestly, to me you’re kind of a dweeb. and you were never my type. You did teach me what not to do on a date and now I also had a crash course in empathy, which you really need. As the latins say, Aeternum Vale, First Kiss ;P

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