• Mommy Dearest

    by  • May 23, 2010 • Betrayal, Grief, Parents • 0 Comments

    I am a 50 year old woman now,with 4 wonderful children.I would give them the world if i could.

    I have been living with guilt and shame my entire life. The pain had become so unbearable at some points, i chose suicide attempts. I get sick to my stomach knowing that i would have left my children behind. This is where you took me to the end just as you wanted. My whole life has been controlled by you. My thoughts, my actions and my freedom of speech. This you took away from me. The physical,verbal,and mental abuse has worn me down so much, that i just couldn’t take it no more, it goes on and on and on until you seen me break time after time. You have tried to take everytrhing away from me all my life including the love my children had for me. I sit here and want to shout to the world the real you. The neglect of not bathing me and my siblings. Being locked in a room at 6 years old because of a bad ear ache had become so unbearable, my crying perturbed you, so you shut the bedroom door on me and yelled from the other room SHUT-UP. The crying continued so you beat me. Never mind the hanger everyday, and the beatings from you and daddy, that was the least of my worries. The verbal abuse had become so bad, i only wished for a new mother and father.

    I can keep going, MOMMY DEAREST. i think people get the picture now, i have exposed you and that you will never forgive me for. I remember sitting in the movie theatre at 6 with sores in my head and having a terrible odor. You are a child’s nightmare. I haved nothing good to remember you by and i can’t even remember where my sister and brother were. I know you ruined their life as well, they stopped talking to you along time ago. Why i ask it took me so long to realize you were the root to all evil. I allowed you to control my life totally. Then i thought about it. I was holding on to the fact that you would possibly change and one day be a caring parent. That is so crazy i gave you plenty of opportunity’s and you just shut the door on me. I have told you about sexual abuse your answer was at least you weren’t raped. I loathe you with every bone in my body.

    Today i let you go and shut the door on my past. No more it’s over. I need to lead a happy and fulfilling life with my children. Thank God i didn’t abuse my children like you. This is why i can’t find no excuse for your actions. I knew better why didn’t you. I know why instead you acted out your abuse to deal with your own. I chose never to be you. That’s the difference between you and me i loved my family and my husband so much. I wished you dead for so long, but that would be to easy. So i set myself free of you,and your punishment is that your 3 childen are no longer in your life. My children have already become wise of your actions, and i’m sure they won’t be around much longer.

    So i close this letter with you in it, and say good-bye to my past, and live each day as if it was my first. I chose to be happy. For so long i have been living in pain and God was kind enoough to open my eyes to tell me it wasn’t all in my mind. The puzzle pieces are a match and now it’s time to move on. My children are my life. There is no other way to express a mother’s love for her children. I will stay here on this earth to protect and love them as long as i live. I love you my Babies…So much. Thank you all for your support.

    This chapter is over and i have a life to live now, Good-bye Mommy Dearest. Thank you for reading my letter.

    My advice to child abuse is to seek professional help and don’t give up on yourself. It was never your fault we just were given this wrong road to have the chance to fix it for others.

    Susan

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