• I want to love me!

    by  • May 13, 2010 • Love - Pure and Simple • 1 Comment

    I want to scream this but its choking me!
    I want to love me but i can’t!!
    I want to look in a mirror and not hate the person looking back at me!!!!
    I want to be something to someone!!!
    I want to let someone in but i am afraid of letting in the wrong person again!
    I need to know love, a love to melt the cynicism that plague my thought process!!
    I want to believe people who tell me i’m beautiful!!!
    I want to love me but i just can’t!
    I can’t get over this feeling of not being Perfect!!
    I want to believe myself when I look in the mirror and say you’re awesome!!!!
    I want to feel and not cut off myself emotionally!!
    I want to love what i see when i look in the mirrors i cant pass up with out glancing!!
    I want my weight and clothes and appearance and smarts to stop consuming my life!!!
    I just want to love me!!

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    One Response to I want to love me!

    1. Pinky
      March 12, 2011 at 9:43 am

      I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled with self-esteem and perfection issues for as long as I can remember, and it sucks. Through my highschool and college years, any GPA under a 4.0 and any weight over 110 pounds equaled failure. I starved and pushed myself to my breaking point, and let me tell you, I was broken. But what I’m really trying to say is that, things did get better. And they can get better for you too. Once I stopped trying to do everything on my own and I let others in, I realized that I didn’t need to be perfect. People loved me, and they didn’t care about my flaws. You are surrounded by people who love you and accept you for who you are as well. Let them in, show them your vulnerable side; don’t be ashamed of it. I learned a technique while undergoing counseling, and I think it could be really helpful for you too. When you feel frustrated, anxious, depressed, or out of control, don’t try to fight it. Tell yourself, “You know, I really don’t feel great today. So this is how it’s going to be. I’m not going to dwell on it or hide it or fight it, I’m just going to simply acknowledge it.” And while doing this, let yourself accept that you are helpless. Sometimes, one of the most freeing things in the world is admitting to yourself that you are helpless. I mean, aren’t we all at times? I know you want to feel better instantly, but the process of beginning to love yourself can be a slow and long journey. This being said, don’t be discouraged. You can reach your goals and find happiness again, there is always, always hope in that. In the mean time, try the techniques I mentioned before, and let the people who love you into your life. The power of family and friends in situations like yours and mine is amazing. And don’t be too hard on yourself if you fall back at times. This is normal. I hope that I have been of some help and comfort to you, because I truly feel your pain. I also hope that you can find yourself again and the happiness that you deserve. And remember, you are not alone.

      Good luck, with my love



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