i live the life any woman would love to have, great husband beautiful son, new house, nice car and truck . but yet when i think to myself what do i have to offer in this picture? yes i clean cook , watch my son , but when it comes down to the nit and gritty i am so alone. i want another child , but feel as if i am taking the joy from others when i want this , my brother found out he has cancer 2 months ago, its been a hard journey so far , and now all i want to do is cry . all the things i want in life seems as if i cant have them unless i beg and plead to even come close to getting it . i am a very sociable person , when i am around all the family and friends i feel as if i have to put on a face just to even try to fit in with them all. i try to please every one else but is it such a crime to just want to make me happy now and again i don’t ask for much just a little to keep me going that’s all. i don’t have very many friends that want to just hang out and talk like friends do, i live in a small town, as a nobody . when do i get to have lots of friends and have fun enjoy myself with out feeling guilty about it ? when do i get what i want ? when do i get to feel like part of the equation and not so alone, i hate feeling like i live in the distant world of unhappiness. i love my husband and my son to the ends of the world but i just want a little bit of tender loving care back that’s all i have ever asked for. so when is it my turn!?