I did it. I did it and I dont know if I like that I did it, but it is done, and I’m not going to do what I always do and fix what I broke.
I deleted my damn Facebook account in the attempt to further make it possible to get over you. We didn’t have to be friends on there, but we ended up so. I shouldn’t have but at the time I got the request, I didn’t think I could go back to wanting you so much. It had taken me blew the wall up, leaving me completely exposed to you and your charm.
I already want to go back and re-create my account, just incase…
That makes me sound sickeningly stalker like…
I’m sorry, if when you log on and decide to scroll through the updates and news feed, that you do not find anything from me on there. I’m sorry if it upsets you, because somehow, in the deepest parts of my mind, I really think you have a thing for me too. But we don’t act on it. Fuck, who know’s why?
But we dont.
You have my e-mail addy, and my cell…(I should have never given the new number to you, because if you suddenly decide to mosey your way back into my life again, all you have to do is call or text) I can’t change it now, I’m not willing to pay $200+ to get the phone shut off when I JUST got it.
I’m lame. I know. LAME. I have no idea if why when we know we like each other, for all these freakin years, that we could not act upon it when times were right? I know we had at least a handful? Am I not what you want? Can you not just say that?
It wont kill me, like you maybe think it might. I’ve had way worse done to me by the pigs I actually got to be with, that I most certainly can handle anything that you have to say to me.
It will break my heart though, to learn that maybe the love I have for you is a waste that my heart could have spared to endure.
Loving you is not a waste…I can’t put it that way.
What I mean is that the energy it takes to love someone, all that thinking, and feeling and wanting…that would have been an unnecassary waste.
If you never notice I’m gone, and I happen to never hear from you again, well then I know just where I stood…
Step one of my long process to forgetting has been completed.
Well thats another story.