As a child, I used to wake up in the morning and dream about what the day might hold in store. Later, I would awaken to schemes, mostly about my working life. In recent years, I have become more spiritual. For a time, I awakened to pray.
But when I started dating you, I nearly let go of everything – my boyish happiness, my love of my job, even my religion. You became my total focus. I woke before you and watched you sleep. I pet on you adoringly and then, when I could not take it any more, I squeezed you with excitement. I loved to wake up that way, to wake you that way. It felt like Christmas.
Now that we have broken up, I still spend a bit of my morning with you. As I walk to the shower, I explain it to you out loud. Then, as if you were not convinced, I begin again. I try to quiet my heart. I try to believe the truth. I repeat the words.
I am sorry, but we are done.