I am in such a confusing place.
I see you and smell all that is delicious about you and listen to your longings of love and then I see you pick up and look at your phone.
Which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn?
It seems like you’ve already decided which bridge to burn. And I am burning with bitterness that pervades my being. I’m so unhappy…I was unhappy with you…but this is a different unhappy.
I must be very looks conscious…because I love your body, the shape of your calves and the size of your hands, the strength in your arms and the sweet smile on your face. You’re handsome and young and vital to my sexual being. And you’re a liar that sings words of love that lift my spirit but sound so hollow when you leave the room. A song that’s catchy but played too much.
I want to have a relationship that is two sided. I want to have a man that loves me and cares about me and shows that he cares with his actions. I want him to be able to listen to my sadness and grief and hold me and comfort me. I want to be able to depend on him in times of crisis. I want rock solid knowledge that he is there when I need him. When I beg him to stay, he is sitting on the couch with open arms. When I plead with him to fight for us, he is lacing his gloves and wrapping those strong arms around me. I want him to feel joy at his children and my children. In all the goofiness that is childhood. I want him to stand back occasionally when they need to be children, when they need to fall and then scoop them up when they need holding and crave affection. I don’t have that from you…but I want it from you so badly.
I want this time to be devoted to you figuring out what’s important and I want what’s important to be me and your family. I want to be first because I deserve to be first. Because I put you first. Because I give you all of these things now, without question or judgement. I open my arms, I open my heart, I open my dreams and I want you to come inside and be faithful to me. Not because you feel you have to…but because you want to. I don’t want the fear of wondering where you are because I’ll know that you are where you’re supposed to be. I won’t question what’s in your heart because I’ll know that your heart belongs to me. I want that certainty. I want that foundation. I want to conquer the world with you and grow old together and face our problems and revel in our challenges and enjoy each other…but I can’t do it alone.
Step up to the plate. Step up to the plate. Burn the other bridge. Cross me.