• Dear Chain Email Sender

    by  • March 21, 2010 • Knock it Off, To Everybody • 1 Comment

    Are you retarded? Do you have Asbergers Syndrome? Do you have a secret desire to be hated? Do you, instead, hate me? Were you raised by the Amish, outside the bounds or normal society? Or, God Forbid, and shoot me now if it’s true…do you actually BELIEVE the Damned Chain Letters you send me on a weekly basis?

    I ask you, HAVE the angels visited you? DID you suddenly get a delightful surprise not 3 hours after you sent that seemingly loving but actually threatening email to me? Have you benefited at all, any of the countless times you’ve sent one on? Anything? Anything at all? Did something magically happen to your email and that is why you (or someone) added the enticing sentence at the bottom, “you’ll love what is going to happen!”

    Does any of your family still speak to you? Your friends? Your co-workers?

    NOBODY wants to be threatened with doom on their email. NOBODY wants to have 4 years of bad luck if they don’t send it on. NOBODY wants to have to find 9 “ladies that you love” to have to send it on to. I wouldn’t send it to a woman I DON’T love let alone someone I want to invite me over to their home occasionally.

    You’re also the one who believed that you might end up in a bathtub of ice with a note telling you to call 911 immediately because both of your kidneys had been removed.

    You’re also the one who believes that every time you forward that Microsoft email Bill Gates himself will pay you a dollar.

    Have you sent your bank information to the Nigerian fellow who just inherited a large sum of money?

    Have you logged on to the Paypal site when they sent you an email asking to update your account?

    Seriously, and this is in all honesty, cuz I am pretty superstitious…if you can PROVE or even STATE with reasonable certainty that ANY of this turned out positive, I might forward one on. But…last time I checked, I didn’t see an Oprah special about the paralyzed chick learning to walk 3 hours after sending an effing email.

    If you believe any of what I have written, please forward it to the assholes who have been sending you these emails.

    One Response to Dear Chain Email Sender

    1. Stranger
      March 21, 2010 at 2:18 am

      Hello Friends,

      My name is Harry L. Gipedo and I live in a small home in Lieton,
      Goergia. My young son, Woody, has an extremely rare physical condition
      called Fibulitus Pinnochiosteolis. This simply means that he has
      inflamation and severe elongation of the nose. The poor child’s nose is
      now five inches in length and if the doctors cannot find a cure and do
      surgery, it will continue to grow. This causes problems with his
      breathing, sneezing, smelling, sports, snorting, kissing girls, going
      through small doors, not to mention the emotional harassment of other
      children. It all started when he began forwarding emails full of
      untruths to everyone he knew.

      A wealthy billionaire in Los Vagas has founded a charitable organization
      called “The International Beakus Interruptus Foundation” for the
      purpose of helping young people with this problem and funding research
      to find a cure. She has pledged to donate $5000.00 for every email of
      this that gets forwarded. This is being tracked by new email
      technology developed in 1889 by the MacroSoft Corporation, who has also
      promised to donate free trips to Dizney World for everyone who forwards

      If you have a heart and love children, Please, Please help my child by
      forwarding this.

      Thank you,

      Harry Legg Gipedo

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