Gosh, hey, I know you and I are going to have to have this conversation one day. I bet we meet in the aisle at the grocery store. I will be so glad to see you.
And I will probably tell you only this – it just wasn’t going to work
out between me and her.
I love all of you, the whole family. (Well, except for that one cousin
that everybody disowns on first conversations with strangers. He got
on my nerves too.) But I really do love all of the rest of you, and
for a time, I fancied becoming a true member of the clan. Love,
marriage, a whole big family? For me?
What a rush!
However, I could not maintain the relationship with that woman you
love like a sister.
I did my best to love her. (I believe you know this even if she did
not.) She has a terrific upside, and I fell in love with that part of her. She is beautifully full of life.
But she has too many buttons. I hit them accidentally. I hit them incidentally. I hit them unintentionally. Sometimes I didn’t hit them
at all, but each time there were fireworks. Not my type of fireworks.
You love her, and so do I. But she is a jumbled mess.
I won’t speak to you about her in a negative way. I won’t say to you the words that might best describe her – irresponsible, immature, insecure, jealous, secretive, sensitive, emotionally damaged, hot tempered, selfish, and inconsiderate. In my relationship with her, she was controlling and manipulative. But she showed little control regarding her money, little control regarding her children and little control when it came to the abusive, alcoholic, deadbeat types from her past.
As I said, she has too many buttons. There is no way I could avoid them. Often, when one got hit she took it out on me because I would keep coming back.
Well, no more.
I know you had your bad relationship. You know how it is.
Abuse gets old.
That is what I really mean when I say, “It wasn’t going to work out.”
Here is all I really want. When we meet in the grocery store, I hope you will be glad to see me too.