• What could have been

    by  • March 12, 2010 • Those Gone Before Us • 0 Comments

    Special K,

    You were my best friend until you died. I was a tomboy and you were a boy that treated me like an equal. Although we came from such different places and backgrounds, none of that mattered when we were together. We loved each other and loved spending time together and that was all that mattered. I remember sharing so many laughs with you because you told me that laughing made you live longer. With how much we laughed you should have lived a long life, a fully satisfying life, but your brain tumor cut that time short. You had your last surgery and they told me that you were finally going to be better and be back to normal, but that next day of school said otherwise. A girl handed me a newspaper with a story about your death and I went into shock. How could you have died when they were so sure that they could finally save you? What was I supposed to do without my best friend? You were the nice one, unlike everyone else. That moment changed my life forever. It seems like it was just yesterday that she gave me that newspaper like it was nothing. To me it was everything! It was the beginning of my life shattering before my very eyes. I have been picking up the pieces and attempting to glue them back together ever since, but the glue oozes out the sides and cracks. From far away, it looks like an ordinary heart, but up close the broken pieces glued together can be seen. There seems to be one huge piece missing right in the middle. That piece is you! I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. I used to think that an eight year old could not experience true pain from a loss like this, but I was wrong, I was so wrong! I still have pictures of you in my room to make sure that I never forget the impact that you had on my life. Despite the pain that your death caused me, you brought so much joy into my life while you were alive. I just wish that I was not so afraid to get close to people in fear of losing them like I did you. I find myself wondering how it is possible that I truly loved you at the age of eight, but I did. I can’t stop imagining what life would be like if you were still here. Would we still be friends? Would we be dating? Would we get married or would you be in my wedding? Would you see me graduate? Would you still be my best friend? I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you before you died and that kills me. I didn’t get a chance to know that you loved me too and a chance to tell you how much I loved you. You better be up in heaven watching over me and waiting at the gates when I come in to join you. I will wait my time, but I can’t help saying that I am excited to be with you again and see what would have happened.

    P.S. I love you

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