• This Friendship Needs Clarification

    by  • March 1, 2010 • Friends • 1 Comment

    Dear Friend,

    I’m not entirely sure if I am supposed to write this. Or send it.
    But I know I’ll at least write it out to get it out because I am a
    small person and having thoughts in my head isn’t always

    I’m also not sure exactly what I ought to write. I think I’ll just
    be frank. I’m writing this in hopes that you can reconfirm what
    I’ve said or correct it. So reconfirm or correct.

    I know I ought not to over think anything, but I do. I don’t try to
    make assumptions.

    I feel a huge, uncomfortable balance in our friendship. I feel like I
    made this mistake of valuing our friendship too much. This is where
    you could correct. I’m going to tell you why because perhaps I just
    see things weird. This will give you the opportunity to say, “Whoa,
    Georgia, chill.” Or give you the opportunity to say, “Lay off.”

    This letter has been composed in my head as I’ve ridden the bus. I
    think I need to get it out so I can stop thinking about it.

    I’ve come to consider you a close friend. Step beyond acquaintance.
    I’m able to relax, let my guard down with you. I can make music, I
    can hear music. Your one of the more real people out there and it’s
    refreshing. I can sit in a Jack in the Box parking lot with you and
    eat tacos. Ok, I guess I could do that with other people but I
    haven’t felt the need to.

    Here is what makes me think I ought to give you more space.

    I can remember once when you took the initiation to hang out – and
    that was for the cello part before I went.

    Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, it would be great if I was. I
    feel like I need to express these insecurities. I communicate. You
    need to tell me if I need to back off and stop hanging out with you.
    That would be a lot better for me than me being uncertain if I was
    being obnoxious and a burden.

    I currently have nothing to loose. Nothing. It’s not like I see you

    I’m telling you this so you know how it comes across to me. That you
    would rather not see me. What do I do with friends? I hang out with
    them. That is all it is. I’m a social person. I enjoy spending time
    with people. You are one of the few people left in Moscow, it would
    make sense to me if I saw you once in 3-6 weeks. I might as well be
    back in Austria. I see Emily from Olympia more than you. That’s
    around an hour trip each way.

    Anyways, now you know. It frustrates me.

    You can pretty much write out either:

    a) Yeah. Georgia. Back-off. You’re getting on my nerves.
    b) You people of the opposite gender are just too analytical.
    c) I am antisocial and think that hanging out is weird

    Please communicate, it would me a lot to me. I’m not one for feeling
    like I need to confront people but you are extremely confusing. I
    can’t really read people well so now I wonder if I was boring you to
    death when we did hang out. Was I bugging you to oblivion to the point
    where you didn’t ever think, “Golly gee whiz, maybe I’ll see if
    my friend can play today.”

    Speak up. I want closure or continuous – but none of this luke-warm

    One Response to This Friendship Needs Clarification

    1. A friend, too
      March 2, 2010 at 8:51 am

      I have a similar friendship. I question constantly whether she likes me since she cuts my phone calls short (and they weren’t long to begin with), doesn’t initiate doing things with me and essentially makes me carry the friendship. I think it’s just what she’s used to doing and by ME having to do everything SHE feels secure. I’ve confronted her a couple of times and she always denies her behavior. Sometimes it feels like we’re boyfriend/girlfriend in a dysfunctional relationship. Anyway, you’re not alone.

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